When something happens that hurts me, I tend to feel betrayed, used, or taken advantage of. I internalize things, and can get stuck in a “paralysis of analysis,” where I try to make sense of things and figure it all…
When wedding bells begin to chime, we know forever we’ll have a good time. It’s fine for a while, but hardly seems right as honeymoon love now fades from our sight. The smiles we’ve had now turn into frowns while…
We were enjoying a summer cookout with our neighbors when I started a conversation with a lady as I chewed through some sticky hot wings–my specialty. The conversation turned to my recently published book about marriage, and the difficulty many…
I’m Twenty One! “Uncle Dan, how do you feel about dating?” asked my great niece from across the table. She’s one of my oldest brother’s sons’ daughters. We were celebrating her 21st birthday. She had never played the dating game.…
The Book is Out! This is to announce that the long-awaited book is available on Amazon. Press this link to get there and check it out. I’m looking forward to connecting with you, my readers, and would love to…
I’m not going to deal with that now. Procrastination is an interesting dynamic. As I started digging into the meaning of the word, I was fascinated with what it means and what it does. We aren’t aware of it, but…
Why are we fighting? We will usually fight in our relationships when we are afraid or aren’t getting something important we need. In simplest terms, when you can identify the fear, and bring the security to remove it, the fear…
“Finding out along the way, what it takes to keep love living, you should know how it feels my friend…” Paul Rogers Relational Dynamics The most powerful truth I can give you is that you can choose to change the…
Relationships feel good when they are connected and there is a good emotional exchange going on. They don’t feel very good when we feel disconnected. You can feel lonely or unsupported with unmet needs or expectations. Often, when couples take…
“If you want out of that tube, you’re going to have to work on those communication skills.” Fifth Element I sat next to a young lady on a jet at 30,000 feet recently headed to Miami from Denver. I had…
What do I need to let go of? I decided to write the art of letting go as I experienced some recent struggles while doing so. Things get more manageable when I can see what’s going on, then co-operate with…
When I was little, self-awareness consisted of knowing how much I wanted, how much I needed, and what I could do to get it. Manipulation is no doubt born here. This forms self-centered patterns that don’t serve us well as…
Now, more than ever, we need peace as an anchor for our souls in a world with no answers or solutions for life’s anxiety. Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace be still!” And…
I’m going to ramble a bit about connection. We are created for connection, we long to be part of something, to belong, to be valued for who we are. We want to make a meaningful contribution, to make a difference.…
The Fast Track I lose track of how fast it’s going by. It seems just the other day I was pressing a new colorful license sticker to the plate. They seem to come now like fanning book pages. Scraping away…
The Wise Man & The Fool What makes one the wise man or the fool? It’s not how one is born, rather what one chooses to become. Becoming happens day by day as the newborn develops. He’s always listening. Watching.…
As this old year slides away, and another takes it’s place, Lord let my heart be comforted by the knowledge of your grace. The grace that calls me from the past to live right here and now, When I’m hurting…
Photo by Daniel J. Schwarz on Unsplash Why do we call them blind spots? It’s something we’re blind to. We can’t see it. We can’t see it because we don’t want to. Why are blind spots painful? Because our “blind spots” are masking…
Can you see me? Understanding who we are Our marriages hurt when our needs aren’t being met, and we don’t understand the way we are reacting to one another. Tension builds as we reach towards our partners grasping for something…
Relational Dynamics How we navigate our operating systems in marriage determines the level of our marital satisfaction or misery respectively. Our operating systems and how we roll with them create all the dynamics we experience in our relationships. Ignorance of…
What words do you think of when you hear the word escalation? I go first to anger because anger is the fuel of escalation. What you are doing or saying is making me mad and you’re going to hear about…
The Need For Courage I find the courage needed to write this article when I think about all the hurting, lonely marriages that don’t understand submission. There can be no happily ever after in a marriage of two people who…
Love Our hearts have lost their way, like sheep that have gone astray. A good shepherd named Jesus comes after our hearts to free them and to love them back to life. He never gives up and pursues us no…
The Marriage Mission We’ve all heard of mission statements. Has anyone ever asked you as you’ve embarked on an enterprise? “What’s your mission statement?” They want you to be able to tell them why you’re doing something. Maybe it’s starting…
I Do When we marry, we drag a lot of needs and expectations into the relationship. There’s no way around it, it’s human nature. This doesn’t make us “bad,” it makes us “needy,” and “expecting” a lot. Alas, it’s the…
Connecting Through Adversity “Love suffers long and is kind. . .” 1Corinthians 13:6 I would be an unfaithful writer if I didn’t write this piece. By now, I think my readers understand that a lot of “happily ever after” is…
Winter Chill It’s February, almost Valentine’s day and it’s freezing! The temperature has hovered between zero and eleven degrees all day. The weather is what got me started on this topic of “attitude.” The reason being, I have chosen not…
The Dance of Differences “what was it, Adelle? What was it you liked about us?” “I liked the way we danced.” Bagger Vance. The Dance of Differences We all grow up learning our own steps to the dance. At first,…
Learning to fight fair There’s no such thing as a conflict-free marriage. Happily, Ever After doesn’t mean you don’t fight, it means you learn to fight fair. We didn’t learn “fair” at home and have to learn, then practice what…
Abandoned L inda and I are just married. We’re off on our first shopping trip together, I think it’s Walmart. We’re just through the door, and I’m distracted with an article of interest to consider, probably a valuable food item.…
Hi everyone! My book “Hope For Happily Ever After” is coming together and getting closer. I’m under contract with Illumify Media and we’re getting it written, organized and ready to go. The book focuses on “Finding connection in marriage,” and…
It’s 1978 and I have a newborn son. I’m so excited about being a dad! I’m only 21 and I barely have an idea what I’m doing. I don’t know what’s coming, but I’m working hard to be a good…
It’s easier to face a thing head on when we can see where it’s coming from It’s easier to fight my enemy when I can see him What causes depression and where does it come from anyway? I’ll begin by…
Behold how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell in unity! For there the Lord commanded the blessing—Life forevermore. Ps. 133:1-3 We’re approaching independence day 2020. What a year! We don’t feel very “independent” in the middle…
Nothing hurts like a disconnected marriage. We can find the disconnects, and heal them. We can develop a strategy that brings hope. Awareness of what’s going on brings immediate hope. I can choose to change what I can see. “Oh,…
Where are you my love? Where’s the one I knew and married on our wedding day? What happened to the spark we shared and love that lit our way? We used to share each happy thought & catch each other’s…
It’s the end of the world as we know it, but I feel fine… REM Out in the zone Fear and distrust were written on the faces we passed as Linda and I rolled through the ravaged shelves of the…
My Dad was an electrician on a ship in the Navy and he told me stories of being on the ship. I didn’t inherit the ship anointing. I did do a little sailing on what’s called a sailfin, a tiny…
We spend quality time together. We slow things down enough to spontaneously do something fun together. We determine to find enough reserve in our lives together to do that. We’re present to each other without any screens to distract us.…
If you watch the NFL, You’re familiar with the clip C’mon man! It’s a commentary of outtakes on different players in the league that do unconventional, uncool, or downright brainless things. These things violate the code of normal or proper…
“Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.” Proverbs 12:25 1. Get in touch; “Why am I feeling anxious?” The answer to this usually isn’t self-evident, so I can’t see what I’m choosing.…
The more you know going in, the better the chances of your marriage succeeding. One half of all marriages don’t make it, Christian or not. Confessing God doesn’t give you relational skills, they must be learned, and fought for. Knowing…
We are eternal ghosts in a temporal timeline. Shimmering like a mirage, there but not, we live out our days. Like mirrors, reflecting either glory or death, our choice given. Spirits eternally young, in wonder watching, time tolling on our…
When they jump It’s Friday evening, following a hectic, full, fast paced week, running the business. I need a letdown, to unwind and recharge, catch my breath and find my balance. As I pull into the driveway, the phone rings.…
May I practice your presence Lord, instead of that of another. May I seek the comfort of your love when I feel the need for cover. The empty need I feel inside, I can never meet, it’s only through surrender,…
Many of you will remember the Three Dog Night song, with the single piano chord repeating… “One is the loneliest number, that you’ll ever do… Two can be as bad as one, it’s the loneliest number since the number one……
The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe. Proverbs 29:25 Those of you on the journey with me know that this transformation mountain is one you climb a step at a time.…
Intimacy in marriage is one of my core values. A marriage hurts when intimacy is not present. Intimacy is not just sex, although it’s an important component. It’s agonizing to hear of sexless marriages; they are out there, some anorexic…
For the law made nothing perfect; on the other hand, there is the bringing in of a better hope, through which we draw near to God. Hebrews 7:19 I’ve decided the devil has a pretty good memory, and he seems…
Intruder alert! Looking at my ringing cellphone, instant anxiety, reading the caller ID, warning me it’s my brother, a year older than I. The drug addicted homeless one, who never calls to give me anything, except another hard luck down…
Thoughts about control God won’t compete with our control. When control enters the equation, God leaves it. Wherever control enters our life, addiction accompanies it. Whatever we try to control in life imprisons us, be it substance, power, sex, money,…
This is the beginning. Welcome to the out of control living blog. I am excited to get the page up, and find new friends to connect with! This has been a long time coming who’s time is now. 3.1.19 My…