How Procrastination Depresses Us

I’m not going to deal with that now.

Procrastination is an interesting dynamic. As I started digging into the meaning of the word, I was fascinated with what it means and what it does. We aren’t aware of it, but it’s an effective stalling tactic. We use it to avoid facing unpleasant feelings and emotions that are running under the surface of our awareness. Our subconscious mind doesn’t want to go there, so we procrastinate. Our subconscious says, No way, I’m not going there. So we stall.

One of the definitions of procrastination is to be neglectful. I’m not going to deal with it. So we neglect it, which means we don’t pay attention to it, give it any energy, or definitely don’t press into it to engage and resolve it.

This is where depression finds its doorway and starts running a program that creates anxiety and steals joy. This is because procrastination has stopped us in our emotional tracks without us knowing it. It’s a form of disempowering that stops us from removing obstacles that are oppressing us. The more we procrastinate, the more stress we feel as time goes by while we are applying the brakes on engaging what needs to be dealt with. We create more and more stagnant pools of oppression that contain negative emotions that we refuse to face. We then feel depressed because we feel too paralyzed to do anything about it. Like the birthday you forgot, and now a month has gone by, and you didn’t do anything. Now they think you don’t love them.

In essence, procrastination throws us into the shadows and false relating because we aren’t facing ourselves and the things fueling our patterns. This doesn’t make us bad, just depressed and disempowered.

Exposing Procrastination Myths

• If I leave it alone, the problem will resolve itself and go away.

This is a convenient lie to believe that allows me to continue to do nothing as long as I want because, well, eventually, it will just go away or resolve itself. Most of us know that our problems won’t go away unaddressed, but we want an easy way out. We don’t want confrontation, so we avoid conflict or issues. Especially if they involve conflict with money, business dealings, our perceived performance, or lack thereof. It’s important to note here that most all of our procrastination involves a relationship or person, since all of life is filled with them. You face them in the workplace, in church, and at play. You drive with them everywhere, and can’t get around the fact that you must engage and interact with them. You are probably married to one of them, and much of your procrastinating involves them. We procrastinate to avoid stepping up and taking responsibility. We will look at fear and risk shortly.

• If I wait long enough, I’ll be able to figure it out, gain the knowledge or information I need, or fix it somehow without involving them.

True to the nature of procrastination, this is another stalling tactic based on a lie rather than the truth. We will eventually find freedom from our prison when we stop believing the lie, face ourselves, deal with our stalled-out will, and take action. This, of course, involves engaging the person, organization, or system that is causing your unresolved issue. These also have people behind them running them; you must engage to be free.

How to break the chains

We always want to get to this part as soon as possible, but I want to warn you that freedom is never cheap or easy, but always worth it. Depression is worse. I don’t have a three-step formula to freedom, although three points or bullets always feel good and complete somehow.

• Know Yourself

We talk about this a lot in the imminent book, The Quest for Happily Ever After. Self-awareness can be curative when we can observe ourselves in the act of what we do. Think about it. You are the one who procrastinates. It’s not another person doing it to you. You have to own it and unpack the reasons behind it, and why your will has been disempowered. No one else can do this for you. When you expect them to, you have moved into a victim role that has no power, and you will be more and more depressed and trapped. You have to come to a place where you can face yourself and say, Yes, that is what I’m doing, and here’s why. I’m going to move out of this place. I have the freedom to choose.

• Face Your Fears

The older I get, the more I observe that fear seems to be the culprit behind almost all the dysfunction we face in life. We procrastinate because we’re afraid of something. It’s fear that’s wearing the cloak of procrastination; It wears many others. Let’s look at some of these fears and see if we can dismantle them so we don’t procrastinate because of them. Remember we are stopped and inactive, hesitant, non-participating, irresolute, (of two minds.) Not completing, indifferent. These are all synonyms for procrastination, all resulting in a will that is unable to engage and act.

• 1. Fear of Man

We all know about that one. What will they do or think? The devil has a field day with this fear. He taps into our insecurities and fears about ourselves and supplies endless scenarios of what other people think of you and how they feel about you. Of course, they are all lies but convincing enough to get us to procrastinate, and not face the responsible thing that needs to be done. Which is often simply to pick up the phone and give the other party something to work with besides your abdicating silence and non-participation. This is a co-dependent response when we give in to this fear. We must push beyond whatever they might think. It doesn’t matter what they think; your mental health and empowered functioning are what matters.

The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe. Pr. 29:2

I worked as an electrical contractor for over 30 years and am mostly retired now so I can focus on writing and doing other things. I have found out along the way that when an unresolved thing came up on a job or with a customer or builder, the longer I waited to deal with it, the worse I felt. I learned that I would always feel better after I made the call and engaged the issue. Then things took shape, and we had somewhere to go. It always felt better, and the boogie man of fear was banished. It’s almost always worse in your mind than in reality. Now I tell myself, make the call, you’ll feel better. We know in our marriage that the same thing holds true. If there’s an issue, and we avoid it, we both feel oppressed. The longer we procrastinate, the more lies the devil feeds our minds to believe about each other. Remember, he’s called the accuser of the brethren. Engagement breaks the spell of fear and brings us into truth and connection. Notice that when we trust in the Lord, the snare is broken, and we are made safe by Jesus, the Prince of Peace.

• 2. Fear of Failure

This fear is also a powerful one and finds its roots in our identity and self-perception. Though both men and women procrastinate (I’m married to one), men tend to battle inadequacy and fear of appearing incompetent more than their female counterparts. This is because most men tend toward fixing and solving over listening and empathizing. This fear of failing in understanding or being able to fix his wife can disempower males, causing them to shrink from their leadership role and other roles of responsibility in marriage and the workplace. We share at length in the book how we can overcome and slay this dragon of fear by bringing it into the light and meeting our need for reassurance in each other by speaking the truth and finding our identity in the Lord and not our success and performance.

• 3. Fear of Mystery and the Unknown

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.

This is the final fear we’ll look at, and it’s a big one. Who isn’t tempted to stall and procrastinate in the face of something you haven’t done or experienced before? Notice the verse above and the first seemingly impossible command. All your heart? Really? What does that even mean? The Lord has this habit of waking me up between two and four in the morning and wanting to talk. Have you ever asked God to go away and come back at a more convenient time? He usually won’t. He asked me if I knew what it meant to trust Him with all my heart. He said it meant everything that was in there. My longings and desires. My dreams and hopes. My fears, my sins, my weaknesses, success, failure, the book, marketing, the future. Could I trust Him with all those things and not rely on my own understanding? Have you noticed that you can never remember falling asleep?

The fear of mystery and the unknown is a big hurdle. It challenges our faith and our security addictions. How can I control the outcome if I don’t understand it? Faith demands trust in the Lord and the goodness of His character over our mind of the flesh. Unless we get out of our own understanding we can’t walk in faith and acknowledge Him in all our ways and let Him direct our paths. We cannot expect supernatural help and spiritual authority if we procrastinate at faith’s doorway and refuse to follow Jesus all the way into His will. Not my will, but your will be done. XO