The Marriage Mission
We’ve all heard of mission statements. Has anyone ever asked you as you’ve embarked on an enterprise?
“What’s your mission statement?”
They want you to be able to tell them why you’re doing something. Maybe it’s starting a business or a ministry of some kind. Can you put into words why you’re doing it?
Perhaps you think desire is enough, believing,
“My wanting to do it will get me where I want to go.”
Certainly desire and passion fuel the journey, but I think more structure is needed.
Going With the Flow
I struggle with structure, unstructured is easier for my personality. (Go with the flow.)The problem is that life demands structure to make it work. Spiritual growth and morality require structure, discipline, and boundaries. The world’s flow is going in the wrong direction; A Godly structure will withstand the push, grow, and push back.
There’s a parable of the wise man who builds his house on the rock rather than sand, to withstand the storms that life is sure to bring. I remember the story of the three little pigs. It’s been a while but someone was going to huff and puff and blow the house down. I think one of them used stones, (structure,) and won out. I’m not going to research it.
The marriage built on the rock will have a mission. Below are essential mission objectives for a marriage that will share love, meet needs, and combat loneliness. Our mission is;
To Be Mutual
Two souls cannot love and explore one another without being mutual. This is oneness. This means we are on the journey together. We are sojourning together, hoping, dreaming, planning, deciding, together. You are eating the pie as one, mutually sharing it, not fighting over who has power over it.
This is submission to one another, a word some would rather not deal with. They will submit to no other soul, thus remaining alone, and will forfeit the delicious fruit of this subject. No greater love can be shown than when one lays down his life for his friend, (spouse.) Sacrifice frees the soul from selfishness and narcissism. It also makes for better sex. Selfishness constricts the kingdom, sacrifice expands it.
To be in Agreement
“Can two walk together unless they are agreed?” Amos 3:3
An agreement must be sought above all things as an important part of the mission statement or you will endlessly fight over power. An all-in commitment to an agreement is vital for positive emotion to rule over the negative ones that come from the lack of this.
Fight for agreement, not each other. Seek out the roots of your disagreements, and negotiate them. Don’t make important decisions without agreement or resentment and chaos will be sown into your marriage garden. How can respect grow here?
We aren’t going to agree about everything, but we can still walk in agreement by,
Honoring
To honor means to place a high value on something or someone. It means I respect her desires, needs, and opinions even if I don’t agree with them. It doesn’t mean I ignore my own, but I don’t selfishly push for them at her expense. We explore them together and unpack them in the tension of who’s going to get their way?” We honor and love and work it out respectfully. It’s give and take. It’s wonderful when it’s not about power, but honoring.
Validating
It means I listen to and accept what you are saying without judging, criticizing, or correcting you. I affirm your desires and feelings without trying to change you or pressure you, even if I don’t agree. I don’t bully, intimidate, threaten, or manipulate. Love is patient and kind. If I validate her, I will reap validation when I need it, which is a bit more than occasionally. This feeds the emotional pool of the marriage. There is nothing we wouldn’t do for each other.
Communicating
Talking is the lifeblood of a marriage. If you or your partner clams up, the marriage is in distress as your connection remains broken. This puts the marriage at risk from outside attack and temptation. I’m going to finish this up with the clamshell analogy. What to do when your spouse or you becomes a clam. Love dies in the vacuum of communication.
Clams are found underwater on the ocean floor. The analogy is simple, you’re going to have to swim for it to reach them. The next step is that you have to pry them open, not always an easy task. The reward, (the pearl,) is worth the effort.
A clam is closed, that’s where the saying, “They’ve clammed up” comes from.
You can open the clam by answering the question (s), Why are they closed?
They will open when the right questions are asked, in a safe, caring, responsive environment. You may have to cultivate this environment if you have a harsh history with them. You may have to take responsibility for neglect, abuse, harsh words, or others. You may need to humble yourself to swim as deep as you know you need to go to repair.
You both may need to repent to each other for words spoken and actions taken that have hurt you both. Confess and release forgiveness, and let God’s mercy flow over you.
You’ve got to want it enough to do whatever it takes. I’ve found when I own my part, she will own hers. Pride keeps me in the desert only long enough to see what I need to see, then I always choose to walk out, cross the river (Jordan, which means death,) and enter the promised land.
I reference the promised land a lot because that’s what marriage is. We only need to follow God and do it His way to enter into the fulness of it and possess our inheritance. He always gives the strategies to take down the giants in the land whatever they are if we submit to Him. He is for us and wants to bless us deeply where we need it most.
So ask yourself if these marriage building blocks are part of your marriage mission statement. Talk about them together, and see if you can agree where you are on them. Risk honesty and possess your land. Dare to look at what’s in the way and how you can remove it. You can do it. XO
- Mutual submission
- Agreement
- Honoring
- Validating
- Communicating
- Connection at all costs