Wind In My Sails

My Dad was an electrician on a ship in the Navy and he told me stories of being on the ship.

I didn’t inherit the ship anointing. I did do a little sailing on what’s called a sailfin, a tiny sailing craft just larger than a wind surfboard. Two people can squeeze on with co-operation.

I practiced tacking back and forth a while in this quiet marina until I had enough confidence to bring Linda on board to show off my Captain’s skills.

Things went downhill badly while her fear and control took my confidence away. We ended up running aground in shallow water among the rocks as she abandoned ship.

It didn’t help that others on shore were watching and laughing at my humiliation and lack of control of my crew. At least I imagined them so.

If she would only trust me. Or maybe I just needed a little more training time with my crew and the rigging of the ship.

Although it was painful and my ego was bruised, my identity was intact because I had already proven to myself that I could do it alone.

Sailing alone is easier without the fear, power, and control another can bring on board. It’s how you do the navigating together that’s tricky. Are you Captain Ron, or the Co-dependant captain?

She was in the way of how I moved the sail. There were too many dynamics to navigate successfully! We were not an effective team.

Yes, alone is easier but lonely. Together may cost you more as you explore and resolve, but you will grow in love, and that will make you happier.

I would rather fail at sailing together, enduring a little humiliation but growing in love, than sail the seven seas alone and lonely, unchallenged and not growing.

The winds of the past

I am today what the wind in my sails has made me. The wind that’s blowing on me is made up of the influences that have shaped me into who I am.

They determine how I react, handle my emotions, use power, and get my needs met. They are the fabric of my relational dynamics and control how I behave in relationships.

These influences have come from my family of origin, the culture I live in, life’s experiences, beliefs I’ve developed and agreements I’ve made along the way.

As long as the winds of the past are blowing in my sails, I will keep reacting the same old way when my buttons get pushed. It doesn’t matter who pushes them. I can blame multiple others, but it’s my buttons that are the problem.

Whether it’s an identity button or some unhealed past wound or trauma when I feel the pain, my sails will fill and blow my ship in a predictable direction and pattern.

This leaves me having run aground hurting, confused and frustrated. I want to blame and go, the victim.

The only way for me to change the wind is to recognize where it’s coming from, track it back to its source, and do something about it.

This is growing in love, something God wants us to do.

New winds

The new wind is the truth that I am not a victim of who I’ve become from past influences or experiences.

I can challenge past influences as I become aware of the truth, then change my choices.

I can break bad agreements I’ve made that try to control me. My choices can then change the wind blowing in my sails. My destination can be made different.

The truth is, I’m not a victim. I don’t have to react that way, I can choose how I respond in any situation.

It’s gentle warfare that says; I can choose love. I can forgive. I can let go of past hurts and move on. I can heal and open my heart to love.

Awake O north wind, and come O south! Blow upon my garden, that its spices may flow out. Let my beloved come to his garden and eat its pleasant fruits. Song of Solomon 4:16 XO